Forgiveness is used so one can be released from (let go of) the hurt that’s being held on to, but regardless of what’s done, the hurt only hurts the person holding on to it, not the person who did the hurt.
Here is what I see when it comes to forgiveness, I’m not immune or insensitive to the hurts people feel, which are real to those holding onto them, so they can’t just be ignored. Why one uses forgiveness is to be released from (let go of) the hurt that’s being held onto. Regardless of what is done the hurt only hurts the person holding on to it, not the person who did the hurt. The only way to get beyond the hurt is to let it go, but the thing done isn’t let go of, it’s the attachment to I that needs to be let go of; I is what’s holding on to whatever it is that was done. There’s no getting around some of the horrible (non loving) things people do that surely cause hurts, but if there’s no I attached to it, there’s no one actually being hurt. So because of this, the hurt only hurts until I is let go of. You can say at this point this is forgiveness, but what you’re actually doing is letting go of an I attachment. Are you not?
It’s called forgiveness because of the lack of understanding of what’s actually transpiring; letting go of I attachment is what’s occurring. Sit with this and you will see it for yourself. I don’t make this stuff up, it takes a very settled mind to see what’s really going on in life. The conventional way of looking at things is deeply engrained and I challenge anyone to discount any of my writings, not because I’m a know it all, but because they come from a place that’s beyond me.
Here’s a short personal example, someone did something to me when I was young that I carried around for forty plus years. When I learned that I was conditioned to act in the ways that I did I also learned so was everyone else (they know not what they do). Although everyone is accountable for their actions, this understanding freed me from the attachment my I was holding on to. I didn’t forgive the person, there was no need to. This is how it works for everything that happens, you can say this is BS, but understand that’s just your attachment to I saying that. I doesn’t want you to know the truth because it will set you free and what you will be free of is I.