Until the cause of one’s discomfort is understood, discomfort will be their driving energy and until one looks in the mirror and says “my discomfort comes from within” it will remain in place.
Nine years ago as a new direction began to take hold in my life, there was a lot of inner searching as I reflected back to see where the misdirection arose from growing up. Although I didn’t understand this at the time, all my discomfort stemmed from one source and that was my ego self. There are as many definitions of the ego as there are people on this planet and whether it truly exist or not, mine was killing me. The thing about the ego is before it kills you, there’s so much discomfort along the way. The insanity of this is it’s one’s own mind that causes this discomfort.
I don’t blame the ego self to not be accountable for what I did, but I don’t hold myself responsible because there’s no way anything could have been done differently. I only responded to life with the tools that were developed and without knowing this, I couldn’t have done anything differently. What I have discovered about the ego self is it doesn’t truly exist, but it always seems to be there causing discomfort because it has become a huge part of our human conditioning, at least this is how it was for me.
One example that helped me understand this was looking back at the relationships or lack of them in my life. I would only be with someone until I got what I wanted and then it was time to move on; it was always time to move on because there was always some kind of made up discomfort in me. I used everything to try and ease this, and for reasons I never understood, suffering was always the consequences of this behavior. Today I see how my ego self is never satisfied and how it’s the driving force behind the I Self. The I Self is driven strictly for it’s own satisfaction regardless of the harm it causes, this revelation which occurred nine years ago helped pave the way for the liberation from my ego’s grip; not its demise, but liberation. A liberation that manifested not as getting rid of the ego, but understanding it because until the cause of one’s discomfort is understood it will continue to be the driving energy of one’s life.