Until the cause of one’s discontent is understood it will be the driving energy of their life. And until one looks in the mirror and says “I see the cause of my discontent and it comes from me” the discontent will remain.
Eight years ago as this new direction began to take hold in my life, there was a lot of inward searching as I reflected back to see where the misdirection occurred in my thinking as I was growing up. Although I didn’t understand this at the time all my issues stemmed from one source and that was the ego. There are as many definitions of the ego as there are people on this planet and whether it truly exist or not, mine was killing me. The thing about the ego is before that would happen there would be much suffering along the way. The insanity of this is it’s one’s own mind that causes suffering.
I don’t blame the ego to not be accountable for what I did, but I don’t hold myself responsible because there is no way anything could have been done differently. I only responded to life with the tools that were developed and not knowing this what could one do but act accordingly. What I have discovered about the ego is it doesn’t truly exist, but it always seems to be there because it has become a part of our human conditioning, at least for me it was it.
One example that helped me understand this was looking back at my previous relationships or lack of them. I would only be with someone until I got what I wanted and then it was time to move on; it was always time to move on. I used everything for self serving reasons for a long long time and never understood the consequences of this behavior. Today I see how my ego is never satisfied, it’s the driving force behind I. I is driven for it’s own satisfaction at all cost, this revelation that occurred eight years ago helped pave the way for liberation from the egos grip. Not the demise of the ego, but liberation. A liberation that manifested not as getting rid of the ego, but understanding it because until one’s cause of their discontent is understood it will continue to be the driving energy of one’s life.