When one is under the spell of the Conditioned Mind they behave in ways not because it’s the way that one wants to be, but because it’s the way that one has to be.
We admitted we were controlled by our Conditioned Mind Patterns and became aware of how they caused our behavior and reactions to be self-centered.
Step One of the 12 Steps to Freedom is the foundation which my entire awakening process is built on. It was this lack of understanding of what I was truly up against that caused me to remain entrapped to it. And what I was entrapped to was my own mind that was conditioned to be selfishly self centeredness. The problem with this type of conditioning is it causes one’s own destruction because it’s destructiveness is disguised as pleasure. And this pleasure is pursued by many to their own death. It was pursued by me in this way and I was at it’s mercy. It’s said to me to use drugs, alcohol, gambling, womanizing, lying, cheating, stealing and so on. This is how the Conditioned Mind is developed except for some who are fortunate enough to see this at a young age.
The way I was conditioned wasn’t the fault of anyone directly, but indirectly the inner and outer influences of my life molded me to behave in the ways my conditioning dictated. Not because this is how I wanted to be, but by not understanding this, it was the way I had to be. You cannot behave in any other way except in the way you have been conditioned. Change the conditioning and change your entire existence or not and remain the same.
What I discovered was this: in 1987 I believed I had to begin to live differently, I started doing things that by society standards were much more acceptable than the way I behaved in previous years. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I was still being controlled by my Conditioned Mind, I was just using different things to fulfill an inner lack. And although they weren’t as destructive as some of the things I used previously, I was still in the grip of my selfish ways so the only thing that changed were the things being used.
Why there was this inner lack is what I never understood and because of not understanding this I remained entrapped to my conditioning. I constantly used different things to try and fill this lack, but to no avail. This is what my Conditioned Mind did to me, it controlled me as if I was a puppet on a string. It said jump and all I could do was obey. Change came to me out of the desperation of things not providing the relief I was seeking. There was only one place left to look and that was within. Once this began my life started to change.
The value of knowing my own mind is in the understanding there was no where else to turn; not to God, support groups, therapy, self help books, positive thinking, and so on. What I learned is when the Conditioned Mind is understood, the world is no longer in control. It’s control slowly dissipates as one develops discipline so the mind slows down. And once this slowing occurs, the possibilities are endless because there are no longer the distractions that keeps one entrapped to their conditioning. With this solid understanding of what one is truly up against, one is able to develop the discipline to adhere to the rest of the 12 Steps to Freedom as the conditioning ever so slowly falls away.