When you regret something that happened many years ago, the understanding of why there is regret allows for the release of energy that’s creating the burden and holding it in place.
The other day I was watching a documentary on the life of Sports Broadcaster Marty Glickman when something clicked with me that really broke my heart. Never mind what they did to him in the 1936 Olympics because he was Jewish, but what happened the following year when he attended the University of Syracuse was where my heart went out to him. It inspired yesterday’s and today’s writings. While Marty was in college he was on the football team. He was a half back amongst the other positions he played. He was very good, a star of the team. Marty was white. There was also a Negro kid on the team, Wilmeth Sidat-Singh, who also played half back and was a star on the team. Marty and Wilmeth were very good friends. According to Marty they did everything together.
One week the team was scheduled to play the University of Maryland and the coach informed Wilmeth that he couldn’t play in that game, I don’t know what he told the kid, but he couldn’t play because he was black. Remember this was 1936. Well, the way Marty told the story, he wanted to boycott the game and was torn between sticking up for his friend or playing in the game. He decided to play in the game. It would have been a major issue had he not played. I am not judging his decision, I am just stating what happened.
When World War II broke out, his friend Wilmeth joined the service and was one of the Tuskegee Pilots, a group of Negro aviators. A year or so into the war this young man died in a training accident. As Marty put it “He could die for his country, but he couldn’t play in a football game”. Although these events were tragic, to me the real tragedy of this story was Marty regretted the decision not to stand up for his friend and for what he knew was right in his heart, for the rest of his life. It was a created burden that he was never free of. When he was telling this story there were tears in his eyes and there were tears in my heart. Mine were there because I knew he didn’t have to suffer the way that he had if he just understood how it was his Conditioned Mind that caused him to make the decision that he did. He didn’t have to suffer, he just didn’t know how not to.
The irony to all of this is, it was his own mind that made a justified decision to play in the game and it was the same mind that replayed that decision over and over and over and made it into a burden; a burden he carried around his entire life. My heart really went out to him. He was trapped inside the prison of his own created burden, a burden created by his own mind. But how many of us do this to ourselves over and over, just like Marty. This is how destructive our Conditioned Mind is. It tells you to do things and then it tells you to regret doing it. Every judgement of yourself and others is a burden that is carried around. If you don’t understand this you will never be free. You will carry burden after burden around with you until the day that your life in this form ends. The tragedy of this is it doesn’t have to be this way, but unless you know your own mind it is the way it will be. Either learn this or carry around the self created burdens of your Conditioned Mind. It is your choice, but I ask you this, do you even know that you have this choice? And as sad as it is, I would have to say that Marty didn’t.